It doesn’t have to be a marriage or engagement to tear at our heartstrings. It can be moving cities. Even as a child it is distressing to leave friends behind whilst our parents relocate us to a different town, state, county or even country.
Equally traumatic is to lose a loved one to some natural disaster or at someone else’s hand or because they chose to leave. Every part of our being yearns for one more day, hour or just another conversation. Sometimes it is with remorse we face our future without them. And so it is with marriage breakdowns we can feel completely turned inside out. We may in some circumstances entertain ending our life to avoid the pain and loneliness of a solo journey without them. We may have aggression towards the person we love or any possible deemed substitute for us arriving in their life. Jealousy can have its own dangerous agenda.
Life’s puzzles may be difficult to unravel when we have to endure so much pain to replace the pleasure of enjoying the other person’s presence and the comfort this offered us. We may even blame God or fate or some other force that has meddled in our affairs terminating our life’s happiness.
It may be of assistance in these circumstances to endeavor to comprehend the bigger spiritual picture of why we have any turmoil in our life at all. It is not meant to be that way and there is an easier way to live our life, enjoy our family members, love and communicate with them beyond their passing on if we will be prepared to embrace a bigger picture of our purpose for being here.
Each of us has a solo journey yet the advertising would have us believe that we will never find happiness without amalgamating our energy with another. The churches throughout time have encouraged the advancement of this fantasy whilst the people actively promoting it were probably living celibacy.
Why were they doing that? Perhaps the higher authorities knew that a person in a relationship style they were promoting could not work successfully on himself or herself because their main focus could become the relationship in lieu of tending their flock. Also without the opportunity for sharing intimately with a partner, they needed to communicate what they were putting together about their own self-investments. Without those self-exploratory engagements, there would be little to reveal to the faithful on a pulpit. The day-to-day troubles pleasing others they feel obligated to could be distracting; and raising children to be religiously correct, a full time occupation.
The temptations of today have shown themselves to be greater than traditional ones and men of the cloth are becoming seen as not the great way-showers they once were perhaps because of this. Conceivably this is a greater loss than at first glance. In the past whilst couples were foregoing personal growth to dedicate themselves to the demands of building a family, those detached individuals were available to counsel them through their difficulties as they hit the turmoil created by living illusions instead of the reality of being a soul. Today people in this turmoil often struggle to find the answers they need. Relationship breakups amplify the folly of investing our future in others at the expense of losing who we are, our journey and its purpose.
Each of us is on a solo journey, we may not have grasped that yet — and people come and go in our life as needed for our spiritual growth. It is not what we want but what we need that fate blows in through our front door. When we invest in a lifetime of grief at losing a loved one, we are often not yearning for them but for ourselves, that part of us enmeshed in their life that we feel we have lost. This loss is the love they had for us. If we do not have love for ourselves then we will forever be tied to another to keep our motivation for living alive. We will forever wear shackles. Because we are not living our identity as a soul, we may feel we have nothing else without them, but we do. We have a whole journey that is action packed learning about ourselves that is enough to fill any sincere person’s agenda for a lifetime.
If we love ourselves we are free. And we grant that free will to others. We accept and respect the spiritual journey that we are on and that others are on. We release ourselves to the greater good. We may not understand the process of but know of its existence and know to trust it. We do not need to remove our presence from our family life but rather our possessiveness. Know that each soul within a family is really on their own mission. We need to support them not inhibit their free will.
It is not that we don’t want to love others passionately, as we feel the urge. The simple truth is we are love. We need to love others with our breath out as we love ourselves with our breath in: it is our true energy. Each person who enters our life means different types of involvements. Some we have more affinity with: we naturally have more intimacy with them. But we do not want to tie our fortunes to their’s or anyone’s because of the transitory type of journey a soul lives on Planet Earth. We can invest our time, as much as we wish but not our future – that only belongs to us, as their future belongs to them. To go against this would mean we are investing in an illusion, which will only cause us heartache when eventually it is shattered.
If these are new revelations we can continue to do the same things we are doing daily but it would be healthy to invest in an attitude change. Our focus in life needs to involve our feelings for ourselves first and foremost. Secondly from the pivot of that loyalty we can invite people into our lives because we are mature enough to handle the challenges wisely.
The moment we put “my” in front of another person’s identity we dilute his or her power and potential to back us in our life. We possess them and in doing that we ensure they are somehow a shadow of who we are rather than a shadow of their guidance who is all knowing and has amazing wisdom to contribute to their and our lives. We can inhibit their growth deliberately if it challenges our expectations or dominion over them. When we do that detrimentally their guidance will often move them away from our influence.
Even those souls who incarnate as our children are not ours but rather souls like us travelling their journey for clarification and healing. They need to be given the same unconditional love, respect and backing to be themselves. We need to stand shoulder to shoulder with all souls we have special relationships with and allow them their journey sharing it only when there is energy for it and we are embraced by the experience it is offering.
Trust in the power and strength of their guidance and the loyalty and dedication of our guidance when we need to walk a different path. It is as it is meant to be for the duration of our separation and when our paths cross again even if it is in another lifetime it will be a rich and rewarding experience if we have had the courage to release our expectations.